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Film Review: Mirrors

Mirrors

Mirrors might actually be the worst American remake of an Asian horror movie, ever. It is pure, unadulterated rubbish from beginning to end.

Sometimes you watch a film and forget about it as soon as it ends. With this I was forgetting about it as I was watching. No part of my brain wanted to admit this was happening nor to commit it to memory, so this review is being forced out through sheer strength of will.

As a general rule, if your film starts with a terrified man trying to appease a vengeful mirror by passionately massaging it, then you’ve gone wrong straight away. It only gets worse from there.

Whilst the script is essentially serviceable, there are plenty of clunkers which usually involve trying to make “the mirrors” sound scary. The characters are also terribly two-dimensional with most conversation being a mixture of generic speech patterns or blatant exposition.

But by far the worst line of the film comes from the estranged wife when she finally realises her mentally traumatised, former alcoholic, drug-dependent husband is correct about the mirrors being evil. “I should have believed you” she says by way of apology, even though there is no earthly reason why she should have and a list of reasons why she shouldn’t. She wasn’t ignoring the facts staring her in the face, no. There was no reason for her to think this was anything other than her husband having a complete mental break.

Throughout, there is a complete lack of horror and aside from a couple of gory moments, nothing of any interest whatsoever. Even someone having their jaw slowly ripped off seemed both boring and unnecessary. There wasn’t much gore, but little there was, was over the top and suffered from a poor visuals budget.

Given the terribly shallow characters whose actions were prescribed by script rather than internal conflict, the acting was pretty decent. Kiefer Sutherland did his best Jack Bauer impersonation and everyone else plodded along nicely.

The ending was atrocious. Apparently, if you want to stop an evil demon intent on killing you, a couple of tonnes of rubble will do the trick. Though it will take more than that to kill Mr Sutherland.

I’ve not seen the original and after this I’m an not overly keen to do so. The source material doesn’t seem to be particularly highly regarded either. This is a horrible trend of cinema and it really needs to stop. As a general rule the Asian originals are far superior in every regard and the remakes are only for people too lazy to read subtitles.

Of all the remakes I’ve seen, none of them have been better than the original, whilst most have been far inferior. Mirrors, meanwhile, is by far the worst.

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